So I was driving along with my best friend in the passenger seat next to me. Suddenly the car in front of me skidded on ice and I had to emergency brake. Before I knew it my hand was across my friend to stop her from flying forwards She looked at me and told me she couldn’t believe that my first thought would be to save her. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that, as a pizza delivery driver, I...
thesockmonkeyrenegade: gracethelostgirl: lovewithyous: carolineflack: HOW DO YOU MAKE A GUY STOP TEXTING YOU HOW DO YOU MAKE A GUY START TEXTING YOU HOW DO YOU MAKE A GUY
*about to get murdered*
murderer: any last words
me: imagine how is touch the sky
*escapes while murderer tries to figure it out*
cowboybeboop: viste: cowboybeboop: reblog if u were on tumblr before yahoo bought it IT’S LITERALLY BEEN LIKE A DAY AND WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO ACHIEVE WITH THIS POST only a true tumblrite would understand. you just outed yourself as a yahooligan
carry-on-my-wayward-castiel: c00kiedough: sleeping in an oversized hoodie seems like a good idea until its 2am and it feels like you’re taking a bath with satan
I’m already depressed about tomorrow and it’s not even tomorrow.
darrenstummy: the more sexual and inappropriate you are with me the better we’ll get along
whiteboywaves: me: I need to pee me: Or does my pee need to me
starksexual: i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it
skate-high: To me, songs are kind of like bookmarks. Have you ever listened to a song that you haven’t heard in a while, and all of a sudden, all the memories of that time period come back, and you remember what your life used to be like. They’re like milestones in your life.
bulletbakas: Ain’t no friendship like a friendship where you’re either confused as siblings or gay lovers
njena: i think the reason perfume commercials are so weird is because they have to advertise a smell without using smells
robotitties: when a url you want is not even being used
brandisbigbootybitches: im gonna make a movie that’s titled “WILL SOMETHING SCARY HAPPEN?” and it will feature an hour and a half of someone walking around their house in the dark doing various things that COULD be the prelude to something scary but nothing actually scary will happen until after the credits when spooky scary skeletons will play
ghosteh13: voice-of-tartarus: demeaniac: what if with our first clot of air when we are born we inhale a soul, and every time we breathe out, we squeeze a tiny part of our souls out. would our final breath actually be the very last soul fragment leaving our bodies? Woah woah wait you know those things that say “you become like the 5 people you hang out with the most” that would explain...
lies-misery-greed: don’t ever take me on a date to an aquarium because i will ignore you and spend the whole time looking at the fish But, if you think about it, that’s all the more reason to go. The person you’re dating gets to sit back and watch you smile and have fun. All the while, he/she’s falling deeper in love with you. thatS REALLY CUTE IM GONNA CRY
paging-doctorfaggot: paging-doctorfaggot: i should have huge arm muscles by now from carrying my laptop everywhere
porndirector: i’d be so attractive if i was attractive
nyozeka: i hope my first child is a dragon
when you start liking someone: ah fuck
letterstogodptiii: tea-books-and-blankets: yaygocats: discomplete: “i want to wear shorts because it’s hot but i really hate my legs” an autobiography “I want to wear shorts but i didnt shave” the sequel. “I want to wear shorts but I don’t tan and I’d rather not blind you” The trilogy “I want to wear shorts but my huge dick always sticks out” a pop-up book
therealhorusszahhak: This guy at my school shows up every day with like a fake wolf tail clipped to his back belt loop, and I always see him running from class to class and jumping over things and he looks so happy to exist and sometimes he brings a lil wolf puppet with him and he makes it run along next to him on the strings I’m just like u go wolf kid live ur dreams